The Shakesperean Insulter

How many times have you needed to throw something like, "Thou clouted dismal-dreaming mammet!" into the face of an enemy? Just to watch his expression, and the cloudy look of miscomprehension in his eyes when you say, "You are as rheumatic as two dry toasts.", but can’t find the right words, words like, "Sense sure you have, else could you not have motion; but sure that sense is apoplex’d." and "You are a shallow cowardly hind, and you lie.". Then wait no more, go to the Shakesperean Insulter and be blessed with a wealth of vitriol in the best English ever to grace a page. ;)