Tuesday, July 27

The Long Winter


Its going to be a long winter. well. maybe it won’t, but right now, in the middle of the season I love best, I’m beginning to feel the dread of a long winter.

I wish I understood how I felt. I’m not usually short on words to describe my feeling, being the kind of rare individual who spends more time than is possibly healthy examining his own soul. Its a complex knot.

There are a number of issues I’m currently feeling strongly over. So I’m going to list them here:

1) Two of my best friends are going through difficult times right now. A lot has changed for them in the last year. They’ve grown in huge ways spiritually and when that kind of growth happens, its usually because of hard hard circumstances emotionally and physically. I’ve watched from a distance while they have walked though it, and I haven’t said much. I frequently don’t say much. Its a fault of mine, not wanting to tread lightly on matters I feel are tremendously serious. Their circumstances remind me of what a member of my family had to go through, and I hope they know that this kind of tempering is something to cherish. Its far far worse to be comfortable, because comfort changes little. I hope they know that I am praying for them, that even if I don’t speak up often, they are frequently on my mind.

2) Speaking of comfort, that’s where I am. The last year had been a period of growth for me. Rich growth. Areas of my life that God had been quietly teaching me about had underwent maturing, and there were exciting things happening. I had grown accustomed to the rich emotional content of it all. Then, in the last two months, things settled down to the generic rhythm of life I’ve had for the last 6 years. And I miss desperately the feeling that God is up to something. Right now I feel unable to stand, unable to grasp His promises. Everything is colored by this feeling I can’t shake that nothing matters. I have brief moments of joy, but they don’t last.

It isn’t that I believe God isn’t going to do something great. But right now, I can’t see any farther than the next work day. Few of the things I know to be good in my life are generating the kind of excitement I’m craving, and I’m feeling, in general, emotionless.

Its hard to trust when you can’t see anything but gray skies ahead. Its easier to deal with the discomfort now if you know something better is coming, but the disconcerting emptiness ahead is sucking the life out of me.

3) This election cycle has been particularly frustrating. Its like watching a train wreck happen, slowly, knowing things are going to crash and being unable to stop it.

Politicians lie. This is a fundamental truth. Its sad, but true, of the populace (i include myself in this) that we care more about image than substance. This election is as much or more a popularity content than it is a vetting of qualified candidates for the highest office of the United States. Watching the candidates is like watching high schoolers and their juvenile posturing. Its depressing.

It has been particularly frustrating to me to see good friends, christian friends, embrace the marketing. I’ll say it openly. Obama is not a friend to Christians. Not politically. For all his talk, he is the same old liberal agenda, with the one exception that he is much much better at speaking than any other liberal for a long time.

He has a silver tongue and because most people tend to base their decisions on the thin substance of speeches and words (which are worth less on election day than a junkies promises) he has gained quite the religious following. He sells hope, preaching a peculiar kind or secular religion. But unlike Christianity, whose hope is grounded firmly on the Death and Resurrection of Jesus Christ, Obama stands mostly on little else than his ability to make a tired agenda look sweet and appealing.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think he’s the antichrist. I don’t think he’s a terrorist. I don’t really buy into the conspiracies or the hype McCain’s campaign or the well and not so well meaning supporters of McCain send out. But Obama, regardless of how he chooses to spin it, and I trust nothing a candidate says while running for office, votes pro choice, believes that the government should be more involved in our personal lives, and thinks the government should be the agent in this country for giving of one mans wealth to another.

In the end, no matter how nuanced and careful or thoughtful he might appear to be, he chooses to deny the rights of millions of innocents. A man who can turn his back on those most in need of his help, is a man I don’t trust. He can say he cares, but really, how much are words really worth?

I realize this screed isn’t exhaustive. I simply don’t have time to spend days compiling a dissertation and trying to tease out the truth of hundreds of pages and hours of talk by the candidate to proffer you unequivocal proof. And that frustrates me too.

The next two presidents of the united states will be in office for a total of 8 years. 8 Years. But far more important than that are the 2-3 supreme court justices those two presidents will appoint. Justices who will be in office for 30 years. I cannot understate the importance of this. I am not happy with McCain. But he has consistently, over 30 years, voted pro life. He is our best chance of getting conservative justices appointed. Justices who will defend the constitutional right of the unborn to live, who will stand against the erosion of states rights. Long after the war and the economy are over, those judges will be making an impact.

I could go on and on about this, but will spare you the repetition

For all my frustration, I want my christian friends who disagree with me, and even my non christian friends to know that I do not take this as cause to change how I feel about them. I’m not going to castigate you for not agreeing with me. Even if you are wrong wrong wrong. ;)

There was I think, another thing going on. But I can’t remember it. Another time perhaps.



1 Comment

  1. sorry you’re feeling emotionally arid.

    aren’t you glad God’s goodness isn’t in the slightest dependent on our feelings? i sure am.